this is one absolutely incredible discipleship training school. i feel beyond blessed to be a part of it. we have 34 students - 22 guys and 12 girls - from all over the world...north america, germany, england, holland, finland, new zealand...the list is pretty long. last week we had our orientation week, just introducing them to the base, our values, and the program. we also shared testimonies with each other - which took about four days. seriously. but it was such a powerful time. with nearly every testimony there were many tears - i am amazed at all of the heavy circumstances that the majority of these students have been through throughout their lives. i've never heard so many emotional testimonies - many of the students are coming here with stories of their past that include non-christian families, sexual strongholds, drinking/drug problems, jail time, molestation, or rape. it is a school filled with students that i know were all meant to be here together....because where one person shared their testimony about being molested as a child, two or three more came out and admitted they'd experienced the same thing in their childhood. God put this school together and brought these students together so that they can relate to each other and heal together, and i feel SO privileged to be here to help them and guide them in any way i can.
we took the students to fraser island last weekend to finish up testimonies and just have a weekend to get to know each other and spend time together. first of all, we didn't have enough room in all of the vans for everybody, so we had to rent a car and i had to DRIVE THREE HOURS EACH WAY to the island. this may not sound like a big deal, but allow me to remind you of the whole 'other side of the road, other side of the car' situation. i am pleased to report that i did not kill anybody. although i did veer into the middle of two lanes a couple of times, everybody survived. which i'm more than happy about. so that was interesting.
anyway, the weekend was a COMPLETE disaster! seriously - a disaster. fraser island is the largest sand island in the world. i was able to visit it on my school and loved it. but this time, one of the 4x4 trucks kept getting stuck and the clutch eventually burned out and the car was no longer drivable so the poor students spent most of the weekend either pushing the car out of ditches or piling on top of laps to fit everyone in three trucks instead of four. it was a mess. but it was also a really good time to bond and NOW we're able to laugh about it, so i think it served as a good get-to-know-you weekend for the group. the one night we spent camping on fraser, i was able to stay up with one of the students and just get to know him and talk to him about his past - a past that includes a prison sentence of nearly two years, among many other things. we had a very deep conversation about where his life has been and where it's going and he really poured his heart out about many of his fears and regrets of the past and hopes for the future. i think it was a really helpful conversation for the both of us. at the end of it, he looked at me and said his parents have sent him to countless counselors, pastors, priests, psychologists and doctors. people have splashed holy water on him and chanted at him -- pretty much everything has been tried on him to get him to open up, be able to process his past and move towards his future with Christ. after saying that, he told me that he got more out of our one hour conversation than he did with any of those other doctors or counselors or methods. the next day, i found out that i had a brand new nephew - i wasn't there for the birth and i wasn't even there for the phone call telling me about the birth. but when someone you met four days ago tells you that you've done more for them than any paid professional....well....that makes my absence at such a big family event seem worthwhile.
this past week, our lectures have been on the father heart of God - a topic that so many of the students needed to hear. this was also the first week that we had our one-on-one times and small groups. the one-on-one with my first student was so good but so hard - she's dealing with so much from her past and she just sat down and poured all of her confusion, pain, sin, and hope out to me. my heart broke for her. she has been through so much and has come out feeling insecure and unloved. i know that God is going to do a number on her during this school. there were also a couple of times this week when students would approach me and ask for words of wisdom or prayer. one girl has a sister who just left her husband, and so this girl came to me and asked me what the bible says about divorce and would her sister be considered an adulterer for the rest of her life if she remarries? i went home and spent an evening just writing her words of encouragement, scriptures and advice for her and how to pray for her sister. i am living with the girl students in the house, and one night a girl came to my room and asked if she could talk to me for a little bit. i sat outside with her for two hours as she unloaded her fears of being here and her insecurities and her hesitations and her hopes for this school. i listened for a long time, told her stories from my experiences, gave her some advice, cried with her, and prayed for her for a long time. at the end, we got up and i gave her a hug and as i began to pull away she just squeezed me tighter. she said that nobody has hugged her since she's been here and her friends and family would always hug her at home, but she never gets hugs here. i make it a point to give her at least one hug every day now. i know how "at home" hugs can make a person feel....
anyway - with having lectures from 8am-1pm daily and living in the house with the girls, it makes this a 24/7 job - i am literally working or available to these students at all hours of the day, each day of the week. it's absolutely exhausting! but i have never done anything so rewarding before in my entire life.
wednesday night and thursday was a really heavy ministry time for the students. the speaker had us all sit in a big circle, and, after coaching the staff a bit, he had the students, if/when they felt lead, publicly confess actions or feelings that have caused them to sin. it was like a public repentance. they were asking for forgiveness for their actions or thoughts or emotions - whatever it was. afterwards, two staff would lead them out of the room and pray for them privately, while the remaining students and staff got into small groups and interceded for them. talk about a tear-jerking time. there were many, many big things that were confessed, but the whole point of it was to really obtain the freedom that comes through God's forgiveness. and when we confess our sins, He will forgive us, but so many of us can't forgive ourselves. i was really nervous about this time and fearful that i wouldn't have the right words to say or prayers to speak. and whenever i was called to go with a student and pray for them privately, i can tell you with complete certainty that i did not do a thing. i did not speak one word or give one piece of advice or any scripture references or any pictures or ANYTHING. God did. He completely spoke through me each and every time. i would sit down next to the student and lay my hands on them and just pray, sometimes for twenty or thirty minutes, and the words would just roll of my tongue like i was reading from a script. it was so cool to see how God used all of the staff to get through to the students. it was a really hard time for everybody - for some of the students, they found that they were confessing to some pretty intense things for the first time ever. many of them had never even spoken these sins aloud, and so it wasn't easy for anybody and we all cried along with them, but it was like i was watching these students be freed and healed right before my eyes. i could honestly see them being set free from the guilt and shame that they'd been carrying with them, and i can see a change in their whole demeanor now. some of the girls had been hurt by boys in their past - and some of the boys had been really hurt by girls in their past, and it was unbelievable to see a girl just get up and go to a guy that was lost in tears, and apologize on behalf of women that had hurt him. and in the same way, if a girl confessed to having trust issues with men or being hurt by them and having never forgiven them, a guy would just get up and embrace her and apologize through his tears for the pain that men had caused her. seriously not a dry eye in the place! that whole experience, too, was a complete privilege to be a part of.
i think i'm just so amazed at what an impact i can have on the lives of the students here. one of the students - he's 27 years old - and he went up to courtney, who is leading the school - and he just said, "i really admire you and mallory. you two are really living out your faith. and it's so cool to see that." i had known him for about three or four days when he said that, but it just really showed me that these students are watching me. and i always want to be living in the light and hoping that it encourages them to strive for a closer and deeper relationship with God.
so that's pretty much a re-cap of the past two weeks of my life! i don't get to sleep much, but i am finding my rest in quiet times spent with God and finding some relaxation in spending time with the other staff members that are experiencing the same things i am. i've also tried to make it a point to go on dates with God. have you ever done that before? IT'S SO FUN!!!!! the other evening, we went and walked along the beach and it started raining a bit, so nobody was on the beach. we ran up and down the beach and on the way home we splashed in all the puddles we could find! i had so much fun! how perfect are dates with God? he always shows up. he never cancels on you. he's always on time. i have nothing to complain about!!!!
this coming week, our lectures are on hearing the voice of God. with each week, i have my three one-on-ones to meet with, small groups to lead on tuesday, night lectures on wednesday, staff meeting on thursday, leading a two hour intercession on friday mornings and leading a team to the wakeboarding park to evangelize on friday nights. my weeks are jam packed, but joy-filled. i enjoy doing this so much. i enjoy leaving notes of encouragement and scriptures for the students and having them talk to me and just release their fears and hopes on me. i think it's helpful for them, and i'm finding it's helpful for me, too. answering their questions or hearing their struggles helps me to grow and search for answers and lead them in the right direction - which has been so good for me.
thank you all so much for your continued prayers, gifts, words of encouragement, emails and letters. and thank you for all that so many of you have done for my family this past week with brody's arrival. i miss you all so much but am so grateful for the opportunity to be here doing this.
if you see brody or jude, please give them lots of hugs and kisses for me. and make sure my family members are staying slightly sane.
love you all! xo
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