the stars still shine in cambodia...

i´m not sure where to begin with describing the past two weeks to you. the experiences i´ve had and lessons i´ve learned at NHCC will undoubtedly stay with me forever.

to be honest, when we first arrived here two weeks ago, i wanted to cry. i felt exhausted, defeated and hopeless. i knew that there was no possible way any of us were going to survive even one day here on our own strength. as they gave us our schedule here, having 14 hour days seemed tiring enough, but tack on 157 love-craving children, 95-100 degree heat, bugs in my house and bathroom that i´d never even seen before, sweeping out spiders the size of my hand, eating white rice for all three meals, throwing a bucket of water over my head and calling it a shower, having electricity for only three hours each day, trying to sleep through the night as music played in nearby villages, chickens screamed outside our window and sweat was dripping down our bodies...i felt like i´d already lost a battle i hadn´t even fought yet. i was well aware that anything i did accomplish here would not be by my own doing, but through God, whose strength i was counting on every minute of the day. i´m grateful that i was able to recognize that i needed Him -- it made this whole experience possible and enjoyable.

and so, every morning at 5am, before i climbed out of my mosquito net and walked down the dirt road to my bowl of rice, i asked God to give me the strength, the joy, the love that i needed for that day only. one day at a time. i would ask for the fruits of the spirit to pour out of me for the next 24 hours before i came before Him again and asked the same thing for the next 24 hours.
and He delivered. let´s be honest, i wasn´t bright and cheery every minute of my time here, but i am absolutely certain that everything i was able to do at this orphanage was because God´s Spirit was working through me. and i am eternally grateful for that. some days, it took me asking every 15 minutes or so for more strength, more joy, more love, more patience...other days it came a bit easier. but either way - God gave me what i needed to not only just ´survive´these two weeks, but to embrace this experience and serve in every way i could.

there are countless moments i´ve had here that are just those moments to remember. moments that i don´t want to forget...ever. i´ve had so many of those moments, in fact, that i had to start making a list of them to ensure that i wouldn´t forget them!!!

there was one night when our group was playing with the kids outside on the basketball court. one girl, about 9 years old, ran up to me and jumped in my arms. as i held her, i began spinning her around in circles. she just laughed, and laughed and laughed. as i looked at her, i clearly remember thinking that i never wanted to forget that picture. i spun her around in circles and she threw her head back as the wind blew through her hair and she just let out this unstoppable laugh that seemed to come straight up from her heart. as i spun her faster and faster, she laughed harder and harder and timed seemed to go slower and slower. it was like the world was moving so fast all around me, but in that moment, all i saw was this beautiful cambodian girl that absolutely exuded joy. she gave me so much happiness in that moment, i know it´s one of those experiences that just can´t be repeated, or, even, really explained.

i´ve learned so much in these two weeks. so much about leadership but, more importantly, so, so much about life (i know that´s a bit general...)

i´ve learned from nearly 160 HIV-positive cambodian children that i come from extreme poverty. i may be the one with the laptop, the ipod, the digital camera, and the multiple amounts of clothing, pairs of shoes and pieces of luggage. but these children, with teeth rotting out of their mouth, bugs crawling around in their hair and AIDS running through their blood, have shown me just how deeply poor the place i come from is. we may have all of the ´stuff.´we may have nice homes and nice cars and nice clothes. we may not ever have to worry...i mean REALLY worry...about where our next meal will come from or how we´ll afford a pair of shoes to wear. we may look all put together, but these kids have taught me just how quickly we´re falling apart. because these 157 children have shown me that they may not have all of the ´stuff,´but they´re abundantly wealthy with the things that really matter. they´re so rich in love...in joy...in happiness. i bet there are millions of people in america who go days...months...even years without giving or receiving one hug. not from someone they know or from someone they don´t. these kids, whose parents have abandoned them because they have HIV or whose parents have died because of their own battle with AIDS, give these gigantic hugs to everyone they see - whether they know them or not. and they laugh...i mean they really, REALLY laugh...for the majority of each day. as we´re leaving our nice homes driving in our nice cars to go out to our nice restaurants, it´s a bit humbling to realize that these children in a village in cambodia may be richer than many of us will ever be in the fruits of the spirit. in the things of this life that truly matter. they´ve got something that we don´t. many people may take one look at them and say ´yeah...of course they do. they´ve got AIDS.´but that´s not it. it´s not even that we have families and they don´t. it´s much, much deeper than that. it´s much more serious than that. they´ve got love and joy and happiness. genuine love and joy and happiness. they´ve got the meaning of this whole life thing down. and if their time on this earth is shorter than ours because of the disease they have, they still may very well get much more out of this life than we ever do. there´s a simplicity in their lives that i think we all secretly long for, whether we realize it or not. when they wake up in the morning, it´s just another day to love people. it´s another day to laugh. another day to enjoy life.

and, of course, they´re still just like normal kids. they have more energy than i can even fathom having. they still fight over toys. they still cry. they still fall down sometimes and they still bleed. i´ve seen a lot of blood while i´ve been here, but it´s never been scary or something we freak out at. we just have nurses clean it up, and then we just start holding them again...kissing them...hugging them...loving them. we´ve spent a lot of time playing with the kids here and it has been so much fun! we´ve had dance parties on the basketball court, when we bring out big speakers and dance and play into the night. we´ve held relay races and played volleyball and basketball. i´ve spent the mornings teaching in the preschool, while some of the others from my group have also worked in the two nurseries. we´ve painted a mural, grocery shopped at the market (where pigs heads are right next to the rest of their body parts on a table) and planted mango trees. we´ve taught games, songs and english. and, most importantly, we´ve loved these orphans with every ounce of our being. we´ve been blessed beyond words by them and the things that they´ve shown us - lessons they´ve unknowingly taught us despite language barriers and age gaps. we´ve all really seen how deeply poor our western cultures are and how much we´re missing out on as we continue to be consumed with consumerism.

it has been so peaceful being out in this village in the country. every night...seriously EVERY SINGLE NIGHT there is another unbelievable sunset. i thought we just got lucky after the first night, but every single night there is another sunset with colors i can´t even describe brushed through the sky. and at night, the sky is completely filled with stars. stars that ACTUALLY TWINKLE!!! it is absolutely beautiful. i went out one night and just looked up and it was like the entire sky was one big, bright light. there are constellations i´ve never seen and shooting stars and they all twinkle brightly, as if blinking on and off. i never thought i´d visit cambodia before -- it´s not a place i thought of much. okay, well, let´s be honest. i probably never used to think about cambodia. but i´ve seen that regardless of how much this country fills my thoughts or my prayers...God is still here. He has been and He will continue to be here. i can see Him in the bright, colorful sunsets...i can see Him in the countless twinkling stars...and i can see Him in the faces of 157 HIV-positive cambodian orphans.

we´ve been really blessed by John and Kathy Tucker, who started this orphanage. they even bought us corn flakes for breakfast one morning!!!! CORN FLAKES!!!!!! you couldn´t wipe the smile off of our faces!! they took us into phnom penh one day to visit their NHCC offices, as well as the quilt factory they run, which employs women who have been widowed because of AIDS, many of whom are fighting their own battle with the disease. all profits from the quilts go to the women´s salary and pay for day care for their children while they´re working. kathy doesn´t keep any money for herself, but instead gives these women a salary equal to that of military men in cambodia. we also visited Happy Home, which is where HIV-positive babies stay until they are strong enough to go to the village, where we stayed. it is hard going there, because they lose many babies there in those first few critical days before the medicine can have an affect on the child. here in cambodia, they can only obtain the generic medicine for the disease. it must be taken every day, and if the person continues to get sick, they just move to a ´second line´of the medicine. in our wealthy, western countries, there are ten lines of the drugs - so people can live long, full lives with the disease. in cambodia, there are only two lines. i´ve met many children on second line. if they don´t stay healthy on the drugs this time, there isn´t any alternative for them. one particular girl, citha, has stolen my heart. she´s on second line and is 6 years old. she´s considerably smaller than jude. another boy here is 9 years old and is probably a bit bigger than brody right now (i´m guessing based on the pictures i saw from easter!) and he´s NINE.

God has blessed us richly while we´ve been here, though it wasn´t an easy two weeks, by any means. one of our guys, hans, got a spider bite that swelled up so much, it looked like he had the state of kansas shoved in his arm. we had to take him to the emergency doctor in phnom penh...twice. a couple of days ago, another guy on our team, phil, was playing volleyball with some of the kids here and landed on his ankle wrong. he is now on crutches and we have to take him to a doctor in bangkok to get his prognosis. his injury has certainly taught him - and our whole team - a lot about trusting in God and His plan.

thank you so much for all of your prayers while we´ve been here. these two weeks have really stretched us and challenged us, but the blessings have far outnumbered the pains. with every bucket shower i take...every bug in my bed that i kill...every day i go without being able to wash my clothes...i know God is growing me and i am learning so much from it!

we fly to bangkok on saturday morning, where we´ll be for two days before flying down to hadyai for the second half of our trip. i love you all so much and am missing you every single day!!!

love,
mal