okay, so our passports. we had absolutely no idea where they were for days, so that was a little disheartening. the embassy claimed to have mailed them and had proof of a signature, but nobody we knew had them. the indonesian embassy launched an investigation with the australian post, and a couple of days later we located them. they had been sent to a small french restaurant in sydney. we have absolutely no idea why, but we're just thankful that they got into honest hands. our fligt now leaves on wednesday for indonesia. it was really hard to control our emotions during all of this: we were so excited and ready to leave and then everything came to a screeching hault. however, the night before we supposed to leave, one of our team members was up all night with a terrible flu and could hardly move, so we thank God that we didn't end up leaving on Friday. we were all packed and had the house all cleaned, so we're now living out of our suitcases and have a house that needs cleaning, again, but it's been a blessing to have these five extra days to relax, have some time to ourselves, eat food that isn't rice, and have extra time in australia. so far, outreach hasn't been too rough! (although, outreach day one - three: zero salvations.)
okay so enough of that: we'll get to indo eventually!
last weekend i had the chance to fly to sydney, and it was incredible! we had perfect weather and were able to pack all of our sightseeing into a day and a half: darling harbor, the opera house, harbour bridge, a ferry ride to manly beach, the paddy markets -- you name it. we were also able to attend a couple of services at hillsong church, which was amazing. they have such an amazing worship band - there's like, i'm not kidding you, twenty people involved in the band. oh, and they have FIVE SERVICES on sunday. five. that's a lot.
after 11 weeks, our "lecture phase" is now officially over, ending this past week with an inductive bible study (which was actually really interesting...i'm not gonna lie, i wasn't expecting it to be!) on wednesday night, the ywam base gathered to "commission" us as we were about to leave (some teams leaving sooner than others, obviously), and it was just a really good ending to the past eleven incredible weeks. i cannot believe how much i've learned and experienced: it is going to take me so long to be able to process all of this! in our small groups, we were talking about some of our highlights and some of the things we've learned, and even at that moment we were all gaining new revelations of things we've learned -- it's hard to see right now how we each have changed or grown, but we can all see it in each other. one of our staff members, john, even came over to me on our commissioning night and just wanted to tell me that he has seen such a change in me during this time: he thinks that even my eyes look different from when i arrived here. it's so weird to hear people tell me that, while i know i have changed, it's hard to really see the magnitude of it right now.
in other news, the night of forgiveness: forgiving and asking forgiveness - from a couple of weeks ago is still very prevalent in my life right now. it has been AMAZING!!!! forgiveness is amazing, and so freeing. i wrote several (like, an embarrassing amount) letters to people that are still in my life and many people who are no longer a part of my life - either asking for their forgiveness or forgiving them or, more often than not, both. out of the more than several letters i felt compelled to write, i think there is only one i haven't received a response from as of now...and i sent out SEVERAL in the past three weeks! i was floored at the replies that people sent to me. through taking a chance and contacting these people for the sake of forgiveness, so much has happened. i have been able to restore a great friendship that has been hurting and suffering for several years, i got back in touch with a close friend that i haven't been in touch with for three years, and i even received an email back from an old boyfriend that i haven't seen or spoken to in four or five years and he just thanked me for taking the initiative to apologize to him and forgive him because he had wanted to write me an apology letter for years, and never felt comfortable doing it. it doesn't mean we'll be best friends forever or go get married now - but we both were able to communicate the forgiveness that our broken relationship so needed, and we both feel so much better because of that. it was so cool to be able to say to each other: yes, i was unbelievably immature and i know that i hurt you, and even though we've both moved on - at one point we really cared about each other and it was so wrong of me to treat you in such a way. i cannot believe how much healing can be gained by the exchange of a couple of emails. that whole forgiveness thing has truly been working wonders in my life and i just feel like the pain i've been carrying with me from broken relationships or friendships has been removed, and my shoulders feel so much lighter because of that. it was scary to randomly contact people i haven't seen or talked to in so long...and every time i saw a response my stomach would drop and i would get so nervous about how they would react, but they always tell us here that we are "not responsible for the outcome of our obedience to God." i feel like such a dork saying that over and over, but i think it's really true -- if i'm doing what God wants me to do, i can't control what happens as a result of that. i can't control how people react to my forgiveness letters...but i am so happy with how they did!
i'm currently trucking through isaiah in my bible reading (cool book, but wow, that's a long one) and have also been reading a couple of books on the side, mostly by rob bell and donald miller. the one i'm most into right now is called "blue like jazz," by donald miller. in it, he writes:
"i know now, from experience, that the path to joy winds through this dark valley. i think every well-adjusted human being has dealt squarely with his or her own depravity. i realize this sounds very Christian, very fundamentalist and browbeating, but i want to tell you this part of what the Christians are saying is true. i think Jesus feels strongly about communicating the idea of our brokenness, and i think it is worth reflection. nothing is going to change in the congo until you and i figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror."
in one paragraph, this guy has done an incredible job of summing up eleven weeks of my life. and i think that this is what it's all about. i would have never been able to experience true joy or help another human being in this world before first helping myself and trying to change myself. i am absolutely and completely broken. eleven weeks ago, i didn't have a clue as to how to deal with it. and now, eleven weeks later, i'm by no means an expert, but i recognize my brokenness. i know where i fall short and i know who to turn to, both in times where i feel i'm falling apart, and times where i feel like i've been put back together. i have spent several LONG blog entries communicating my brokenness and i want to thank you for being a part of that - a part of both my brokenness and my healing - for being here with me during this crazy and incredible part of my life. it's been a pleasure to have you here. and, the best part is, i have a feeling that wednesday is when it all REALLY begins...
pray for us! although we're entering the country later than we thought, it will still be during the month of ramadan. we aren't completely sure where we're staying or what ministries we will be involved in, but are trusting that God will lead us to the places we need to be. say hello to my family for the next eight weeks...team indo:
tatiana, megan, jessica, eline, me, jason and jay
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