let's be honest. i've been known to complain a bit.
not about anything in particular...just things here and there that aren't going my way. the frequency of these complaints has decreased quite dramatically as i continue to visit third world countries but, nevertheless, this is something i struggle with.
SO, you can imagine the dramatic complaints i've made as i spend my first Christmas away from home this year. i've expected people to pity me...a lot. feel sorry for me. acknowledge the sacrifice i'm making. maybe even send a card. or a flight home. you know...something along those lines...
you're being pathetic, mallory.
i have to admit that i am seriously embarrassed by this behavior. it hit me a week ago when i was sitting in church. we were singing a Christmas carol - i can't even remember which one anymore, but all of a sudden i felt the need to immediately repent for making the Christmas season all about me. for not allowing myself to celebrate Jesus' birth simply because i wouldn't be celebrating with my family. for forgetting that it IS the Christmas season just because it's hot out, i have a tan and there are palm trees everywhere i turn.
i had turned Christmas into some sort of Malmas (...?? just work with me here) and i was literally not allowing myself to acknowledge, celebrate, or be joyous for the most important, incredible, joyful, notable occurrence in the history of the WORLD...because i'm not at home. and that's just not right.
it's like telling my best friend that i won't celebrate her birthday because she's having her party at coldstone instead of baskin robbins....and coldstone is even decorated so nicely inside!
ever since i removed myself from my high horse that i had climbed onto, i've genuinely enjoyed celebrating this Christmas. i've attended countless Christmas concerts, programs and events put on by several area churches. i've seen that being part of the family of God means i have a LOT bigger family than i thought - one that extends far outside of the larsen home, that i can celebrate and spend the holidays with. of course i still cry every once in a while as i celebrate the Christmas season so far from my family, but this lesson i've learned has really changed the way i observe Christmas.
like gift giving, for instance. what an interesting little tradition that is. one that i've adapted to quite easily. i love giving gifts. i go way overboard on giving gifts. every year. well, i used to, at least. not so much anymore since i don't really have any money (no, i don't want you to pity me here. it's okay!!! i'm poor and happy...the real tragedy is in being rich and miserable.)
i understand the gift giving thing...to a point. after all, giving gifts does go all the way back to Jesus' birth. they did it then and we do it now. the only difference is that they were giving their gifts to Jesus. we've managed to make it all about us. we give gifts to each other. if everyone celebrated MY birthday by giving gifts to everybody else...well...i'm not sure what i would do.
of course Jesus wants us to be happy and to be blessing others, but have we lost the point in gift giving? don't get me wrong, i love giving and receiving gifts just as much as the next person, but i know i am sometimes quick to lose the real spirit of the gift-giving tradition. the gifts that were given to Jesus at the time of His birth and throughout His life were meant to honor Him. they were worthy for a King. the givers wanted to bless Him.
i think the best gifts we give today are similar...they're the ones that truly bless people - those are the gifts worth giving. the ones that stretch us, the ones that inspire, the ones that have great meaning. i think that Jesus smiles and laughs and finds great joy in the tradition of gift giving that we take part in - when the gifts are a true blessing to others. it's really not as much fun when it's just another game system or computer software or flat screen television the size of rhode island. but something like money that goes to a family in need or warm clothes for the cold or food for the hungry. it sounds so cliche, but i think that's it. that makes Him smile. probably even laugh. that makes Him happy He was born and gave us a reason to celebrate.
there's a lot of fluff to this season. we hear it every year. we hear about how we shouldn't let our busyness get in the way of the Reason for the season.
we've even turned THAT into a catchy slogan.
take it back to where it all started. i've loved doing that this year. this is such a different Christmas for me. i'm without my family, i'm hot, i'm not spending any time anywhere near a mall. and i've loved it. the simplicity of it all has been so refreshing. i can listen to the Story and sing the carols and celebrate the season without thinking about my shopping procrastination or cooking or baking or wrapping.
except i never really cook or bake, anyway. but you get the idea.
it's also been fun to focus on the awesome gifts that God gives me. He's pretty much the best gift-giver in the world and He doesn't give on Christmas and birthdays only.
i'm so thankful to Him for the ways that He is blessing me financially. for the ways that He is putting all of the pieces together for this school i will be leading. for the peace and joy that He has given me despite the circumstances and for His grace that i am given continually and undeservedly.
but i also love the little gifts He gives that are unexpected and so clever that you could sometimes miss the fact that they really are from God.
the other night, a friend of mine and i were walking on the beach. we came to the end of the beach - a dark area that isn't frequented by many. on the shore, we saw a really quick flicker of blue light. i thought i was the only one that saw it, but soon there was a second flicker and my friend, daniel, had seen it, too. the light was something in the sand. daniel went to pick it up and whatever it was, it was the size of a grain of sand. it would flicker an electric blue light for a few seconds, and then slowly fade out. as we continued to walk, we would see more of these lights. they would shine as we stepped on them. we ran along the beach and, as we looked back, there was a trail of our footprints made in electric blue lights. i have never seen anything like it before in my life! it was beautiful and unique - the entire area of that dark beach was lit up in blue lights as we stood, surrounded by them, underneath a sky full of bright stars.
daniel and i quickly acknowledged and thanked God. we knew it was a little gift from Him. you can't wrap stuff like that up...that's a once in a lifetime thing. a Christmas gift that i could only receive here in australia. and one i will never forget.
i love you guys so much. i'm going to miss seeing many of you on christmas eve - my favorite church service of the year. but...no complaints. i get to celebrate the best holiday in the world in one of the most beautiful places i've ever been. with part of my heart, always, in chicago.
merry christmas!
love,
mal
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