bits of bangladesh.

with two weeks left of the 3 month lecture phase in australia, it was almost impossible not to focus most of my energies towards preparing to leave for bangladesh with a team of 7 students. unfortunately, as a co-leader of an outreach team, i had no choice but to spend the majority of my time communicating with our contacts, applying for visas and booking flights - instead of listening in on the last two weeks of lectures, both of which were phenomenal.

on week 10 of the school, i asked two people from our home base to speak on the school. rob hensser, our base director, and dan pennington, one of the base leaders, led an awesome week on the topic of the kingdom of heaven. it was an incredible, challenging week which focused on bringing God's Kingdom to life here on earth.

on week 11, our last week of lectures, we had one of our "regular" speakers come in from byron bay, australia. pastor neville strachan is an incredible speaker and pastor, with a church in byron bay, along with a longstanding partnership with missions in russia. regardless of how many times you sit through one of his lectures on the topic of "missions," you still walk away mind-blown, with new ideas, revelations and challenges.

as our time in australia came to a close, my outreach co-leader, jay, and i were continuing to meet with our team for a time of prayer every thursday morning, as well as for a time of light-hearted fellowship every sunday afternoon. we were watching movies like "slumdog millionaire," and eating traditional indian meals together (as if we weren't going to get enough of that in a couple short weeks!). being with my team really got me excited for the trip - they are an awesome group of people with a beautiful heart that so evidently desired to serve God and love His people. many of our early morning prayer sessions were tear-filled, as God broke our hearts for the people of Bangladesh and India - people we hadn't even met yet. there was a total of 9 of us. jay, who i had the privilege of meeting on the very first day i got to australia back in 2008, was set to co-lead with me. we've shared quite a few memorable moments of growth and countless encounters with God together both in australia and in jakarta, indonesia. particularly on this current school, it has been an honor to grow with him. i've seen God do some incredible things in jay's life and have been honored to know him. he's spoken into my life in monumental ways. there are few people that i can be so unapologetically and fearlessly honest with, have deep, seemingly earth-shattering conversations with, and laugh with to the point of tears. his friendship and brotherhood means so much to me and i feel blessed to lead a team with him to india and bangladesh.

and, no, we're not getting married.

7 students on our team:
maria - finland
ester - sweden
amy - canada
maria - norway
joey - washington, d.c.
ryan - pennsylvania
espen - norway


we left australia on march 29 to fly to kuala lumpur, malaysia. i got on the plane, sat down and feel like i took my first breath since january 11, 2010, when the entire school started. it had been the most full-on, intense, challenging, jam-packed 3 months of my entire life ... and, by the grace of God, i can also say that it was the most rewarding, refining and enjoyable time i've had, as well. even though i felt like so much of my time had been spent preparing for the outreach trip, i sat on the plane suddenly feeling very ill-prepared. i'd had so much going on, as the leader of the school, that i didn't feel like i had a grasp on what i was about to step into in my new role as a leader of only 7, instead of 40. regardless, it was ready or not, here we come. . . .



we had the opportunity to spend the day in downtown kuala lumpur, malaysia, and see some of the sights in that beautiful (and super clean!) city. we were also blessed with a couple of hotel rooms, which allowed us to shower and nap in an actual bed in-between flights.
from the minute we reached our gate at the kuala lumpur airport, i could feel a heaviness - just in the presence of the other passengers heading to dhaka. it was a really uncomfortable feeling - we could feel the stares from other people and already felt like every move we made was being watched and analyzed.
our flight to dhaka was one of those flights that makes you swear never to get onto another plane EVER again (although i'd still be in dhaka if i had kept that promise, so you can assume there was no follow-through with that). it was the middle of the night and we were flying straight through a very unforgiving thunderstorm. the plane was shaking, passengers were vomiting and babies were screaming. being in an airplane that's flying through a thunderstorm is one thing, but we didn't even know how legitimate the dhaka airport is, where we were trying to land. my stomach was filled with knots and butterflies - unsure of what life would be like if/when we landed.

thank God, we did make it through the thunderstorm and landed in dhaka at around 1am.
i remember stepping off the airplane into the run-down airport in bangladesh's capital city. people stopped what they were doing to stare at us, clearly fascinated by the presence of white people and blonde hair. there was a fear that came over me as we walked through the uncomfortably busy airport. we were tired, hot and honestly unsure whether or not our local contact was even going to make the middle of the night pickup to get us. there is always a nervousness that comes over me on trips like these as we stand in line at customs and immigration. even though we were granted visas, i am always fearful of the questioning and possible dangers of trying to quietly step into the country as missionaries without causing an uproar. all of these fears were only intensified in bangladesh - a country that definitely felt much more closed than some places i'd been to before.

we all did go through some rigorous questioning by the officers, but as each one of us was allowed into the country, we just joined the others in silently praying the remaining team members through. around 2am, we made it through customs, retrieved our luggage and were taking money out of the ATM when we saw a small bengali man jumping up and down and waving his arms in the air just a few feet away. i grew very over-protective of the group, making sure they were all within an arms length of me and were not making eye contact with the "crazy man."
shortly after taking all of the necessary safety precautions, we learned that this psychotic man was actually our contact!!!! it wasn't hard for him to spot us, since we were the only white people in about a 50 mile radius! it was there, in the middle of the dhaka airport, in the middle of the night, that we met Gia - born and raised in bangladesh as a hindu, now very separated from his family as a result of his decision to follow Christ. Gia has an infectious joy about him - he is a true servant and a caring, lovable, purely joyful man. we were so blessed to have him throughout the entirety of our time in bangladesh, serving us as a translator, adviser and constant source of encouragement.
gia quickly loaded us up into a waiting bus and took us to a nearby hotel, where we could shower and crash for the night before our bangladesh adventure really got started...

our original plans were to live in a village outside of dhaka for the entire 3 weeks we were in bangladesh. this was going to be admittedly difficult, even by local bengali standards. no running water, no electricity, no beds...we were definitely prepared to "rough it." however, just days before we left australia, plans changed and our ministry was now located in the city of dhaka instead of an outside village. therefore, we were sent to the home of will and rachal mather, a young missionary couple from hawaii. it was quite clearly the work of God's hand that plans ended up changing last minute and we were brought to will and rachal's. they were such a blessing to our team.
they opened up their (AIR CONDITIONED!) home to us, cooked us incredible meals, prepared us for life in bangladesh, gave us advice, prayed for us, worshiped with us, encouraged us, celebrated with us, cried with us, included us in their weekly french toast nights, and wholeheartedly loved us as brothers and sisters in Christ. stepping into their house after long days out in dhaka felt like such a break from the madness. it was like a different world in that home - clean, cool and filled with Christ-followers. what a blessing.

it was great for us, too, to encourage and refresh the long-term missionaries there. there aren't very many of them, and they are tired, discouraged and lonely. although we didn't foresee much of our ministry being to refresh the long-termers, that is how God worked it out and we were so excited to be able to do that.

if i could sum bangladesh up for you in one word, it would be "chaos." everything about the country is chaotic, from the traffic to the countless different religions. to be honest, i hadn't even heard of bangladesh before beginning this journey with ywam. i could have never envisioned that i would EVER go there, and there are so many aspects of this country that would be impossible to share through only words. being there was an experience...a very difficult experience that i will never forget. it is a heavy, heavy place and undoubtedly the poorest place i've ever visited.

i have truly never been anywhere like it. i remember the first full day we were there, the girls had to go out and buy the traditional clothing, since we weren't allowed to wear our usual long skirts and shirts, but instead had to buy kurtas (somewhat hideous pants, long shirts and scarves...us girls ALWAYS had to wear scarves.)
we would take a "rickshaw" (a man would pedal a bicycle with a little cart attached that we would ride in) to places that were fairly close. on this particular day, we had to take a rickshaw to the shopping mall, and then walk across a bridge that went over a busy 4 lane highway. we were on top of the bridge and it was total chaos - traffic like i'd never seen before, horns honking, people everywhere going in countless different directions, beggars with no legs that were grabbing at our feet as we walked by, dust in our eyes, bright colors all around. i was holding ester, one of the students, hand as we walked through the mass of people and confusion. at one point, maria looked back at me, looking equally scared and shocked, saying she felt like she was in the middle of a movie. i couldn't agree more - it was something you see on big screens or in disconnected news stories, but an experience that is somewhat indescribable in "real life."
despite the chaos, confusion, heaviness and fear, i loved being here. i love being where i know so few have gone. this nation is so under-developed and seemingly so forgotten.

i will never forget the moment when i was walking home from the grocery store and saw a malnourished man sleeping on a park bench. i couldn't get myself to walk past him. i stopped and tucked some money in his half-closed fist. he woke up, startled and defensive, until he finally realized that i wasn't trying to hurt him. i simply walked away, knowing i wouldn't be able to talk to him, anyway. once i got a few feet away, i looked back and he had his arms raised, jumping up and down with tears running down his face. what a beautiful moment, to know that man was going to eat a meal for the next few days! sometimes we forget how fulfilling it is to bless other people!

our group was involved in 2 different ministries while in bangladesh. in the early morning, a few of us would go to slums around the city to do mercy ministry. the rest of us would leave shortly after lunch to go to dhaka university, where we would meet with students and teach english. serving at dhaka university is a great opportunity because it is where the very top students in bangladesh attend. the future leaders of the nation are coming out of dhaka university, so it's a very influential place to be sharing the Gospel. although we weren't allowed to say we were missionaries, nor could we discuss our YWAM experience, we were each given several opportunities to share the Gospel with students on campus, pray with students and even take some students to church with us!
the university was a 2.5 hour bus ride...ONE WAY...from our house. we're not talking greyhound style buses, we're talking buses that are overcrowded and barely running ... some that actually did stop running...in 110 degree heat. none of the drivers pay attention to lane usage, we could stick our hands out of the bus window and touch passing buses, there were countless near-accidents. the commute to and from the university was really working against us. we would leave our house after a time of prayer and worship, excited to get to the university to minister to students and have divine appointments, but the commute was simply draining - long, hot and uncomfortable. we began having the students pray for certain people or things during the long bus rides in hopes that it would keep everyone's spirits lifted and focus narrowed on time with God.
another extreme difficulty we faced on this trip was poor health. throughout all of the countries i've been in, i've never, thank God, been sick. that all changed in bangladesh. beginning on day one, there was not one day when all 9 of us were feeling well. we all got quite sick, most all of it being stomach-related. there was a span of 5 days that i was unable to eat absolutely anything at all. it was discouraging for us to never all feel 100%. i had many middle-of-the-night prayer sessions sitting on the bathroom floor with the girls that were sick...or just with myself, when i wasn't feeling well. it's a terrible, helpless feeling, especially when we weren't sure of the cause (whether it was water or a certain food). our bodies clearly weren't prepared for all they had to endure in dhaka.
there are countless stories that i can, and hopefully, eventually, will share with you all. however, there is one day that always sticks out in my mind. it was on april 1, 2010. i was taking part of the group to the university for our afternoon ministry. we were lead by Gia, who was our translator throughout the trip. once we finally made it to the university, gia asked if we could make a quick stop at the nearby hospital to pray for a friend of his that had been admitted there a few days earlier. what originated as a last-minute detour to offer a prayer for an ill friend of gia's turned into one of the most surreal, life-changing moments i have ever experienced. i am going to copy, word for word, what i wrote in my journal on that day:

"I'm not even sure what exactly happened today. my expectations of a day similar to yesterday, sitting at the university chatting with students, were quickly shattered and replaced with what can only be described as truly one of the most horrific scenes i've ever seen. i wish i could describe on paper what i captured with my eyes...
gia asked us to stop by the hospital to pray for a couple of his friends who are patients there before we headed to the university. i was not at all prepared for what was to come.
the hospital looked as though it had been abandoned years ago. i saw one nurse the whole time we were there. the "reception" area was dark and looked as though it had been deserted years ago, though there were a few people sitting in the area. it was a sad, sad sight.
the hospital was big. we started in the burn victims' unit. right when we walked in, i thought to myself, "oh, Lord, i was not prepared for this." there were patients in the hallway, most with their wives or family with them, changing their bandages, feeding them, or simply sitting with them. gia took us to a corner bed where his friend lay, his upper body covered in bandages from a recent accident. we prayed for him, and when i looked up, all eyes were on us - the entire room full of visitors had gathered around us. many of them would smile at me with hopeful eyes - what could i do for them? how could i heal their loved ones? that's what their faces seemed to be asking - it made me so uncomfortable. as gia lead us in and around the hospital, armed guards would let us into various wards and doors - it felt like people saw us as the "white saviors," coming to heal everyone.
after we prayed for the burn victim, i thought i'd seen it all - men and children with varying burns covering their bodies, marring their skin. little did i know, the hardest part was yet to come...
the second patient gia wanted us to pray for was at the other end of the hospital. what we had to walk through to get their seriously felt like i had landed in the middle of a hollywood film. i've never seen anything like it. the hallways of the hospital were lined on both sides with patients, most just laying on the ground, but some on "beds," which were actually just incredibly sketchy-looking stretchers. many family members appeared to be with each patient, sitting on the floor next to them, holding them, feeding them, crying over them, speaking to them. i saw no doctors and one nurse during this entire time.
it was as if there had just been a natural disaster and the hospital was filled, so they put the overflow of patients in an abandoned warehouse, but even the rooms in the warehouse were filled and the beds were taken, so patients were just lining the floors of the hallway.
except there was no natural disaster. this is just the hospital in dhaka, bangladesh. this is as real as it gets. screw the problems you think you have. this is real. people are scared. people are suffering. people are dying.
there were newborn babies. there were children. there were men and women of all ages. the ones that made it into an actual room had no privacy - itw as like an army hospital you see in the movies, just one big room with beds side by side. you could tell how well the patients were doing by the demeanor of their family. some were talking and playing games, others were in tears. the whole hospital was pure chaos - people everywhere, no order to anything.
the man we prayed for was in a corner bed on an outdoor terrace. i've never prayed over someone that was so outwardly in so much pain. this man, a bit older, had a brain stroke. he was screaming and crying, his wife trying to show us his head x-rays. we all just gathered around him - i sat on the bed by his legs and we just prayed out. as we prayed, he calmed down and stopped crying. one of the students, joey, was at the man's face, holding his hand and looking him in the eyes. this mans' eyes had a lifetime of stories to tell, deep blue and glossy with tears. they were pain-filled and crying out. when he realized we were leaving, he began crying again, screaming that he was in pain.
it was all such a whirlwind. i wasn't prepared for any of it and before i knew it, it was all over. on the way out, we saw a young woman on a stretcher, screaming with her hands held high, yelling "Allah!" and moaning in pain.
i asked gia for a moment with my team once we made it outside the hospital, to make sure they were alright as we switched gears to go do university ministry. that may have been the worst thing i've seen, walking down the halls of that hospital. so much need, so much hopelessness. some people with feeding tubes up their noses, some people with bodies that look like they haven't had food in months. all i could say to myself as we walked through the hospital, with tears running down my face, is "this isn't real. this isn't happening."
it's so real."

we visited the hospital two more times after that. we all been so deeply affected by what we saw and felt during our first visit, that we set up prayer slots on the night before our second visit. we each took a one hour prayer slot from 10p-8a, so at least one of us was up praying the entire night before we left for the hospital in the morning. it was an awesome time to prepare us for going back to pray for the patients. there is something so powerful about being awake at 3am crying out to God on behalf of the needy, the sick, and the dying.
on our second visit, we went back to the burn victims' unit to pray for patients. there are over 300 patients in the burn victims' unit, but only 50 beds. there are 3 floors of patients - men, women and children. i went with a couple of girls to the children's floor. they were so precious! we would pray for one child, and then the parent or loved one of another child would pull us in their direction. they all wanted prayer - children and babies were being pushed into us from all directions. we couldn't stay very long and it was so hard to leave them. as we walked through the hallways, burned men would just be reaching out for me. it was so hard with the language barrier, but i just prayed for them, touched their hands, and tried to pour genuine love into their life.

a more light-hearted highlight for us was being in bangladesh to celebrate the bengali new year. this was a HUGE holiday and the entire city seemed to stop in order to celebrate. we went to the university campus, which had been transformed into a massive festival. there were various stages with different musicians and dancers, face painters, food vendors, reporters and parades. the streets were packed with more people than i'd ever seen in one place before! it was during this celebration when i had the closest brush of fame i may ever have. i finally felt a glimpse of what it must feel like to be a celebrity. there were 15-20 cameras on us at once, mobs of people surrounding us and people grabbing at us. we were the only white people at the celebration...and we could feel it. at one point, we went to the biggest music stage to listen to the performers. when the performer saw us in the crowd, they stopped everything and called us up on stage. a few of the guys went first, but, before you knew it, we were all up on stage. i thought there were a couple hundred people in the crowd. but, once i got on stage, i turned around to see, literally, thousands of people. 2,500-3,000 were packed in the outdoor pavilion. it was a sea of people as far as you could see, some people had even climbed up into the trees to see us. it was completely overwhelming - and AMAZING! they loved having us there to celebrate their country! it was an honor to be there to show them that we love and appreciate their country.
once we got off stage, we were bombarded with cameras and reporters. it didn't take long to realize how famous we'd become - when we were on the bus ride home, we were an hour outside of the university and people saw us, pointing and dancing, recognizing us from our time on-stage! a local missionary we had met had gone to her bengali language classes later that week, and the teacher was telling her about her "exciting new year celebration" when she went to "the university and saw white people dancing on stage!" it was amazing at the buzz that came from people seeing us on stage and how touched they were that we united with them to celebrate their country! this day quickly became a highlight of our entire trip. it is just indescribable being in front of a screaming crowd like that!
we also had the chance to drive about 6 hours outside of the city to spend the weekend in a village, much like the one we were scheduled to spend our entire 3 weeks at. rural bangladesh is so unlike the city! kids playing with elephants in the streets and waterfalls and green fields as far as you can see. we took a little boat across a river and walked through a village making house visits to meet with many families. it was beautiful - lots of wildlife and visible mountains in the distance. this was during my 5 days of being incapable of ingesting absolutely anything, so that put a bit of a damper on things, but the trip was great for our team and we loved seeing other parts of bangladesh!
all in all, our 3 weeks in bangladesh was an extremely trying time. we couldn't leave the house without being face to face with beggars - some without legs, some without vision, some with marred faces and painful eyes. this presented a great challenge to us. our focus during our time in bangladesh quickly became "what WOULD Jesus do?" we no longer saw that phrase as something that has been coined and used commercially, but that question seriously came to life for us. we were often told to just overlook the beggars - but honestly, if Jesus were to walk the streets of bangladesh today...would he overlook them? pretend they weren't there? write them off as useless or over-dependent or lazy? the Jesus i know wouldn't do that.

so what do we do? no, i don't think it's productive to just give massive amounts of money to those in need without doing anything else for them. because although they do need money in order to eat and provide for their families, what they really need is much greater than that. it's not just a phrase or idea to throw around - what they really DO need is the love of God. and although i can give that to them as much as possible in my short encounters with them throughout the day, what will really help is people to GO - people to live there and not just tell them about Jesus and then walk away, but to introduce them to this Jesus and then disciple them, mentor them, teach them, and guide them.
and that doesn't just go for the needy people in bangladesh. that goes for the needy people in america, too. because although it looks like we have it so much better here - we've got nice homes and nice cars and nice bodies, in some ways, i can see that the emptiness in america is far deeper - even than in places like bangladesh...