::myself::

Many of you have probably wondered what I've been up to since returning to America, and, really, I don't want to tell you.

I've actually been working at the same job I worked at when I was 16(!) - something I never expected to do, of course, but it has humbled me in character-building ways that make me cringe. Working at Caribou Coffee has allowed me to receive health benefits, which was a blessing as I had surgery this past January to replace a bone in my middle ear that had cauterized, causing the hearing levels in my right ear to suffer significantly. Working at this job has been a means to get my health insurance and I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to receive such excellent health care in this past year.

I think that, by now, I've made it clear enough that the past 9 months have been a great struggle for me, most particularly in processing my past and finding my place here in the present as I anticipate my future. Throughout the valley I've been in, God has blessed me with moments where I've seen some beautiful scenery. I'd like to share with you the most impacting experience I've had since coming home...

Jenna just might be the only person on earth that knows each chapter of the story of my life so deeply. As I've said, Jenna and I went to junior high and high school together. We became friends in high school before becoming very passionate enemies. After a series of back-and-forths between friendship and near-hatred; we finally settled on being friends. God has done so much healing and restoration in our friendship and now, because of that, I don't think I could ever look at Jenna as simply just a friend of mine anymore. She has become much more than that. A sister of the soul. A part of me. She knew the Mallory I was in high school and college - the good, the bad and the ugly of those years. But she also was able to come to YWAM in Australia and experienced that part of life with me. She knows me, like, really knows me, and has seen every chapter of my story ... and, somehow, still loves me anyway.

It was mid-October when Jenna and I decided to sign up for a conference at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) in Kansas City. It was one of those things we talked about but I'm not sure either of us believed we'd actually do it. But, the conference was free and when the time came, neither of us had a reason not to go. We left two days after Christmas and drove to downtown Kansas City for IHOP's "OneThing 2010" Conference -- a gathering of over 27,000 young people from around the world for teaching, worship and ministry at the Kansas City Convention Center.

The conference included 3 sessions daily, from December 28 - December 31 (technically ending on January 1, just after midnight.) Day one of the conference was a near disaster. My heart was admittedly hardened and I couldn't allow myself to open up to receive the great blessings that God had for me through the teachings and music. Jen and I went back to the hotel that evening discussing bitterness, judgement and stubbornness.

Day two, however, was the beginning of the answer to the looming question, "why did we come here?" The teachings were incredible and I can't even describe to you what it was like to be in a huge convention center with nearly 30,000 strangers, united in beautiful, unashamed, all-out worship of our Lord.

There are too many stories to tell about the things God showed me at this conference. But I do want to tell one or two that stick out in my mind and have changed me forever.

I've always wanted a "God spot." It's something my friends have talked about and I would desperately try to get one of my own. A spot that, when I close my eyes, I would be taken to instantly. A spot where I could find peace and rest. A place where I would meet with God. I've often had beautiful pictures in my head of open fields and big trees and swaying grass and I would experience God in these visions, but it was nothing consistent. But, during an evening worship time in Kansas City, God gave me a spot for us. We were singing this beautiful song and I closed my eyes and saw a table that I remember from my kindergarten classroom. This particular table was actually set up so we could play underneath it. There were several pillows underneath and it was decorated on the sides with pictures of palm trees and sandy shores. I remember lots of fights in kindergarten over who got to play under that table.

This night in KC, God was underneath that table. He was waiting for me. I crawled underneath it, just as I did when I was 5 years old, and I laid there with Him.

What I realized, moments later, is that in my actual kindergarten classroom at Briar Glen Elementary School, that table was labeled "Australia." Australia is the place that God literally called me to and met me in back in 2008, but He was waiting for me there long before I actually set foot in that country.

That night in Kansas City, God pointed several things out to me about our spot:

1.) He's been waiting for me in our spot. He has never left. He was there alone, sometimes for years, while I did my own thing. But he never left.

2.) God still sees me as a 4 or 5 year old little girl. Despite the mistakes I make, I'm childlike in His eyes.

3.) He's never leaving that spot. I can crawl under that table and lay in His arms, laugh with Him, cry with Him, talk to Him, be advised by Him, listen to Him, retreat to Him.

4.) I've missed out on a lot of time together with Him as I lived for myself. The happiest times of my life are those in which I've been closest to God. My most miserable times are those which I've strayed from Him.

5.) God set me apart, even when I was 4 years old. He had that place for us. He has had me tagged AT LEAST since I was in Kindergarten. He had Australia planned for me 20 years before I even thought to go there. He created our intimate place together before I even really knew of Him.

What an awesome moment. I've been back to "Australia" countless times since then and, every time, I am filled with the fruits of the Spirit in such an intimate way.

Throughout the week, Jenna and I shared many tearful prayers and conversations. We spent hours talking about the things we were learning and revelations we were having. We had many difficult conversations as some struggles of ours were being brought to the surface, needing to be addressed. On the final night of the conference, December 31, we experienced one of the most phenomenal series of events that either of us have had. The details and emotions are hard to convey in writing, but it began with a group of 3 girls, 3 complete strangers, praying over me for my ear to be healed. As they prayed, one girl started hearing really detailed things from God about me and, as a result, it went from being prayers for physical healing of my ear to prayers for emotional healing of my heart, among other things. This girl began prophesying over me so specifically that I had to look up at her face to make sure I really didn't know her. In the background, I heard Jenna crying, blown away as I later learned that the prayers this girl spoke for me are exactly what was on Jenna's heart for me, as well.

While this was happening, one man, whose face I never saw, came up to me and put his hand on my forehead and said, "You are God's princess. You are His child and His princess." Then he just walked away.

Throughout all of this, the girl praying for me heard Jenna's sobs, and she finally stopped and asked if we were sisters. We both laughed and said no but later realized that, in that moment, our sisterhood of the heart & soul had been revealed. This girl began praying for Jenna and mine's friendship. Jen and I held hands and cried as this girl said we would be enduring many trials together but that there is a great connection in us and, regardless of what we go through, God's love is going to cover us. This was one of the most beautiful moments I could ever even imagine. After the girl walked away, I seemed to collapse in Jenna's arms. We sat down and she held me as I cried - speechless at all of the specific words from God that this girl had spoken to both Jenna and I. Jenna prayed for me and thanked God for the gift He had just given to us.

Then, just minutes later, there were two young men standing over us. They both knelt down in front of us and put their hands on our shoulder and one guy began praying for me - quite possibly the most lovely prayer any young man has prayed over me. It seriously sounded like a love song from God. This man DECLARED God's love for me. He kept asking God to bring me back to my first love, my love with Him. I was literally wailing in tears.

This man then began praying specific prayers that I, myself, had prayed just minutes before all of this started happening. He prayed for God's joy to fill my life. He spoke about my future, asking God to use me and declaring that I would impact the lives of others. This went on for several minutes...I just wish I remembered more of what was said.

Before this guy left, he grabbed my face and spoke right into my right (!) ear, telling me to bask in God's love. To rest in His love. He said that God loves me SO much. And He forgives me. I am forgiven.

Before I could even lift my head to see their faces, these young men both walked away. I fell into Jenna's arms and just said, "who was that?"

"It was Jesus," she said.

As that night went on, 2 other people approached Jenna with mind-blowing words of specific encouragement for her, as well. Later that night, I woke up around 3 or 4am wondering if I had seriously just dreamt all of that. As quickly as I thought that, I heard the song, "Shekinah Glory" in my head, a song I had heard for the first time that week. I couldn't get it out of my head. After learning more about the song later, I found out that "Shekinah" is the form of a Hebrew word that literally means "he caused to dwell" -- signifying that it was a divine visitation of the presence or dwelling of YEHOVAH God on this earth. Shekinah is used to denote the dwelling or settling presence of God.

Of course it is!

2010 was a difficult year. In particular, the second 6 months of it but then, an hour before the year ends, God swoops in and sends 3 people to encourage me and send me words of love from Him. I have never, in my life, exited one year and entered a new one in such a beautifully divine way.

2011 hasn't been breezy, but I know I'm on the up and up. God is healing, restoring, and teaching me, all in really phenomenal ways. I'm not happy with the Mallory I've been these past several months, but I am learning difficult lessons about how to get through the valley somewhat gracefully. I've learned things in this valley that I would have never learned on top of the mountain. The valley is fertile ground for growth. It's where transformational change occurs in us. I'm so thankful for this time, even though it's been hard and painful and confusing. And, above all, I'm really, really, really excited about what's to come...